friends tell me that you are soon to be divorced from mr. bezos, the richest man in the whole world, and that you are reputed to become the richest woman in the whole world.
by this post please be informed that i am available. i am divorced from previous wives.
candor requires that i disclose i am in no wise remotely as good looking as tom selleck, nor as physically imposing, though mr. bezos's appearance suggests that this is not important to you. i am far better looking than mickie rourke, for what that is worth, but, then again, so are 60% of the other men in this world, alive and recently dead. (hard to tell the difference w/ mickie, ain't it.)
other disclosures.--
--i am 70 years of age, and still more or less potty broken. (a wonderfully descriptive phrase, i am finding, as i age. at least i am still aging.)
--i have 4 by-passes, and 5 stents in place, but, i go up hills and stairs.
--i have two bad knees, which are becoming arthritic.
--teeth aren't much.
--i like our president, mr. trump, and am amazed at the good job he is doing. (i really don't have to attend the cocktail parties, if you don't want me to, and i will not feel even remotely put off by that request. hint: i don't take orders very well.)
now, for my good features.
--some consider me moderately pleasurable to look at.
--in spite of the recitation above, i am pretty fit, and slender by contemporary standards. given my experience reading autopsies most pathologists would say "fit, but not excessively nourished." that's not too bad, they, as most, tend not to be effusive describing dead bodies. once, descending a stair case naked from the shower, a wife described me as "... [her] adonis." she seemed relatively serious. you know how wives are, you were one for quite a while. and, probably chatted with others.
--i am reasonable intelligent.
--i brush my teeth on a regular basis. i bathe, and i attend to my nethers with soap and water. i change my undies regularly.
--i am an easy keeper, favoring blue jeans, penny's t-shirts (all cotton crew necks), and pendleton wool shirts. i am already in possession of a life's supply of pendleton's, though due for some new t-shirts. at $39.50 for a package of three, you can be sure that i will not buy as many as in years past. (in good supply of whitey tighteys, so no financial worries there.
--from a previous life's employment, i do not require any more wool tweed sports coats, mine will last me out. i have a letter sweater from high school that is 54 years old, and it is still going along quite strong. i wear it often in the chill weather this time of year in the northwest.
--i used to be sort of a wastrel, spending what i had. i am not so much that way anymore, age taking care of that. for example, this day my brother and i celebrated my oldest brother's birthday at shari's, and i had a cheese sandwich, some summer squash soup and a piece of pie, with a strawberry bellini on the side. i finished the soup, didn't drink all the bellini. (when was the last time you went to a shari's restaurant, eh? laughing.)
--no need for complex negotiations on a pre-nupt. i am not even remotely interested in getting rich.....i got this far without being rich, and from what i've seen of rich people, no thank you very much. comfy, i wouldn't mind. i suppose i could get by on a few hundred grand a month, and i suppose i could get by on quite a bit less, so long as the wind didn't blow through my quarters and i slept warm at night. and, no rain in the bedroom, i have given up life in elk camp. i do, moreover, draw the line at washing dishes....i washed dishes my whole life, and i am not suiting the soon-to-be-world's-richest woman just so i can wash the damned dishes. nosirreee robert!!!
--for whatever it is worth, i'll put the damned toilet seat down. myself, i have never found it onerous to lift one open when found closed, so i have a hard time understanding how it is a big deal with women. who knows? who knew?
--i will continue to be a member of the n.r.a. hey, what use are principles if you don't live by them.
--mrs. bezos, i will learn your first name, and your middle name, and will come up with my own pet name in good time. even if you insist on mrs. jay. i am just that sort of guy.
yours truly, in genuine love and affection,
john jay @ 01.11.2019
p.s. ftw, i took a selfie, but could not figure out how to transfer it to this lap top. silly-assed thing. i'll work at it. if you call, i might not pick it up, because i won't hear it over the guitar.*** and, i won't hear it anyways, quite likely, even if i am not sawing at the guitar. but, if you text, or if you email, i will check both accounts before i go to bed, unless i forget. (never make a promise you cannot keep.)
still learning, eh? senility may be lurking, but, it will have to fight its way through both fists and a stick before it gets to me. my kids will understand, if you have to put me away....hell, every time i threaten to cut them out of my will, they not-so gently remind me who will be choosing the "facility" i go into, or, if i do. (the apples didn't fall too far from the tree.)